(TL;DR video of replanting trees that grew in a refuse pile. Any of my tasks involve sensation, and really being present in how things feel against my skin has helped me breathe and be present. Which is changing the trajectory my life.)
The language of the body
My new friend at Equinimity (check out their page!) says that the language of the body is vibration, sensation, and movement. I tend to be all in my head and not very conscious of what’s going on in my body. It’s truly hard to be in the moment and stay grounded (so as not to get carried away by PTSD reactions or the strong emotions of those I love) when not in my body. So, I’ve been taking deliberate time to just feel body sensation: The rain-covered grass on my feet, the “jang!” of the shovel when it contacts the giant thistle, and dirt and dried leaves as I plant these surprise volunteer trees that symbolically grew from what I threw away.
Being mindful
Being mindful of what my body feels just in these little ways has surprised me in that I feel like I’m getting to know a whole different person. Living in “shoulds” and solely in analysis seemed like safety from the unpredictable nature of feelings (emotional and bodily), but at what cost? Apparently a high one, since sensations against my skin feel new–as if I never noticed them before. So here’s just 2 minutes of planting trees I was delighted to discover growing. No philosophizing, just hands in dirt. It calmed my worrying heart. Maybe it can calm yours.
Pay attention to how body feels
I’m also learning that by paying attention to how my body feels as I work shows me something about myself. Who *I* am, not the me I created from others’ expectations. In this moment I noticed that helping new life take hold makes me deeply happy. Even happier than chopping down the tree-height thistles that encroach on my pasture. Interesting! I’ve spent my life doing protect-and-defend jobs, but recently I find myself leaning into nurture. Less focused on understanding the “enemy” and more focused on cultivating life. I actually didn’t think I’d get a chance to have a nurturing role unless I found a compatible significant other who is a protector. The world, in my view, was an awful place and nurturing required an other as a protector–otherwise I’m too busy protecting to nurture much. As I’ve started to heal from the times I should’ve been protected and wasn’t, I’m feeling safer in the world. Less like a fighter, more trust in myself to handle what comes, even if I’m in nurture mode. It’s a security I never knew was possible while being single, and I’m just pretty damn floored at how good it feels.
And, as a mom, protecting via nurturing? New thought. They lived as separate concepts before. Color me mind-blown! 2 minutes with my hands in the dirt; 24 hours of fun noticing.
When you’re ready, and in a safe activity, Dare to get back in your body, even for 2 minutes. You might even like it! If not, what’s in the way? Bodies enable us to richly enjoy our world–even if it starts with just the dirt for 2 minutes. There’s a whole world out there waiting to be experienced by this whole world of me (and you!). 
